Most Regrettable Fashion Trend since High-Waisted Pants and Cameltoe

Went to a few super hipster Xmas parties this weekend with Mike D. It was nice to bump into a few friends, and OH MY GOD the desserts available at the first party were good. Lots of folks dressed to the nines. Lots of dirty rockstars who don't wash their hair. And unfortunately, lots of doucebaggy lookin dudes with Springsteen-style bandanas wrapped around their heads. It made me long for the days of summer when the fashionistas were showing off their labia in their ubertight Rhoda-inspired trendsetting jeans.

License to ill

Yea!! I took my massage therapist exam and passed it last Thursday! Now all I have to do is get a job and start touching people.

In the meantime, that same night Mike D and a few friends threw the Chicken Ranch Christmas Party and much fun was had by all. Killer music by Automusik and Mr. Lewis, and a few surprise friends showed up (aka Taylor and Keef). I was able to have fun, get schwilly, and not get sloppy; and I even got the business card for some dood who makes gigantic foam fruit. Professionally. What a kickass job.

Since then, I've spent most of the time at home, taking naps and mostly pampering myself for overstudying and overstressing for what turned out to be a pretty simple test. In fact, I feel the couch calling me right about now.....

The Pot Calling The Kettle

After telling a funny story about Chad and Kami, I thought I 'd look up their blog and see how they are or where they are or what they were doing. Much to my dismay, there's nothing really new on there; well, not since about last spring. I was starting to feel a little riled up (since it's been quite a while since I've heard from them) and then realized that I'm really no better. I barely even get on the internet anymore much less update this page!!

I've been busy doing fantastic stuff with the two coolest kiddos on the planet. Things like imagining our farts propel us like tiny rocketships into the atmosphere and coming up with heroes named Superfinger. This is now how I spend my time. I've even cut my hours at work...

So what's going on with me anyways? Well, here are five things that I'm currently obsessed with:
1. listening to KVRX radio on the way to work at 6:45 am
2. buying plants from Big Red Sun and gardening on our front porch
3. Art Brut!
4. taking afternoon naps
5. Top Notch hamburgers

How I've been wasting my time lately

Alright, so you've got me. I"ve had a little free time lately (mostly when Mike D is out of town) and I've been indulging. Not just in my nightly glasses of wine either. I've bought my first video game. It's a game I saw in Japan at the Shimizu's place and just found in the states: Katamari Damacy. In this game, this little green prince rolls up everything in the world to create stars. Nalyd just kicked my ass in this game while recuperating from a bad stomach virus, but I still trudge on rolling up elephants, giraffes, and giant navy fleets in my spare time.

And what else have I been doing? Well after hearing that this was the funniest shit since sliced bread, I finally watched Yacht Rock. And it is fucking hilarious. It validates my college obsession with Michael McDonald and Steely Dan, and makes me fear Kenny Loggins as all people should (though not as much as Phil Collins, the antichrist).

As Promised.....

Here is the link to the Austin Chronicle's article on Chicken Ranch Records, Mike D's label. I'm ooozing with pride and refering to him as el presidente at home to get him used to being recognized as a mogul.

http://www.austinchronicle.com/gyrobase/Issue/story?oid=oid%3A551906

Mucho Apologies

It's been way too long since I posted anything here. Since moving to Austin, my free time just seems to evaporate in front of my eyes......but in the best possible way. I did have some time to myself while Mike D went to Europe with Willie Heath Neal but chose to do some much needed nesting instead. So what's cooking with me? Well, besides being dropped headfirst into small time parenting duties with Miss Thing and The Rockstar, there's been a quick job shift whilst still waiting to get my license to massage. Mike D has also whisked me away to some of the coolest shows I've ever seen including Yo La Tengo from about five feet away and a free Flaming Lips bonanza. He's sweeping me off my feet.

And speaking of the dreamboat, Mister Mike D and his Chicken Ranch Records will be featured in this week's Austin Chronicle due out Wednesday. Get ready for an overly-proud mass email coming your way.....

Anybody Remember Vitamin F?

Wow. I have about five minutes to myself on the computer, which is rare nowadays. Since moving to Austin, our schedule has been pretty hectic: off to Atlanta, then back with the kiddos, then off to ACL fest, and work in between. It's all been pretty amazing! Life with Mike, the Rockstar, and Miss Thing has been completely wonderful. Something will inevitably make me laugh my ass off every day. The Rockstar told me the other day how when he farts, he imagines himself being launched off like a rocket into the air. Now I do the same thing.....

Hotlanta Synchronicity

Well, I raced down to Austin for a great reason. Mike and I went off to Atlanta (where does that Hotlanta nickname come from anyways?) for the Drive-Invasion and all things good in Atlanta. Two of the stellar Chicken Ranch bands played: Tiger Tiger and the Woggles and put on brilliant shows during two days of hot rods, jalapeno corn dogs, and b movies. Leonie, you would go mad for this thing! Tiger Tiger got us started Saturday, and ready for "The Reanimator" on the drive in screens. But here's the kicker of the weekend: the Woggles were actually a band that T and I saw back in Tokyo. It was great talking about Japan, music, and pirates with all of them during the festival, and at their Christmas video shoot in the days after. I also got to see the Mega Green Beans with their little sprout, Norah.

Moving Again!

I'm moving to Austin tomorrow, just to let everyone know. Most of you who actually read this don't live anywheres near me, so it might not matter much. Unless you all want to send me loveletters......

I should have known.....

Your Personality Is Like Acid

A bit wacky, you're very difficult to predict. One moment you're in your own little happy universe... And the next, you're on a bad trip to your own personal hell!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

*thanks to Sandy for the link*

Scared, Stupid, or Senile?

At the prospect of moving in with Mike D and his two kiddos, Miss Thing and The Rockstar, everyone keeps asking me if I'm scared. No fucking way! They are awesome! And maybe it's cause I'm totally freaking exhausted tonight (15 massages in 3 days plus moving plus entertaining Dad and the dog) I'm starting to think that maybe there's some detail I'm looking over. Should I be scared at the thought of moving in and assisting raising two badass children? Should I be afraid that The Rockstar threatened my life the first night we met (as a ploy for ice cream, no less)? Should I have nightmares over the fact that Miss Thing has openly admitted that she will taunt me when I try to play video games (even though she was very kind this week while playing Kirby)? Try as I might, I can't think of that tiny detail that should put the fear of gawd in me. I'm just counting down the days till next Wednesday or Thursday till we can all hang out again.

Hao Jo Bu Jen

Wow. Sorry to everyone for not posting for such a long time. It's been a busy summer what with all the massage classes, switching jobs, and moving back to Austin. Mike D is a total dreamboat and has asked me to move in with him, so I'm relocating back to the 512 after about six years. It's a major switch from the hermit life I've been living while squatting at my folks place. I'm so excited I'm ready to explode.
Add to that our first international visitors: Bob and Nicola. I haven't seen Bob since the wedding in Japan, and after a way too drunken night out, I'm pretty sure I professed my love for Nicola. I hope I live up to my Juni-doppelganger, but I have a feeling I won't be winning any awards in the Drunk Olympics. Other than most sloppy......(the pun is up to you)

Questionable...

Would it be wrong to donate this tee shirt to the Association of Retarded Citizens?

Out of Pocket Again

Just when I'm finished with massage classes, I'm off again.... This time it's back to Boston for my Grandma's 90th birthday, then down to NYC for a few days of fun with Mike D (and maybe the Deaners?) Then Austin, Louisiana, and back home. Holy shit, that's a lot of places to go. And a lot of driving. I'm hoping to do some serious truck stop shopping, camera in hand. Look for funny pictures to be posted later. And maybe postcards too if I know your address.

Ultimate Kazoo

At lunch a friend and I were talking about breaking the seal on farting in a relationship. His ex-girlfriend's nickname was "airhorn," and we started talking about the phobia of farting around others. So I came up with this idea to avoid farting in front of anyone while you were sleeping. (This is so you Babu.) You take a butt plug, hollow it out, and fit it with a little kazoo inside. Then you never have to worry about those little bronx cheers anymore. And you can join up with those lovely Petty Booka girls and jam with them in your sleep.

Barfy Bourdain

Yet another attempt to hang out with Steph and Mike was bamboozled by my mid-day need to barf all over everyone I saw. Thank god I maintained until I got home. (Some days I feel this way, but I'm not really all that sick. Today was different...) But in the middle of this barfiness, I got to catch up on some good Anthony Bourdain reading, and read the best quote to sum up some latent thoughts on Asia:

"They say there are sun bears in China, hooked up to kidney drips like catsup dispensers, leeching bear bile into tiny bottles. Rhino horn. Bear claw. Bird's nest. Duck embryo. You've got to be pretty anxious about your penis to contemplate hurting a cute little sun bear."

I think he's got something there.

Smell My Fingers

After the paper airplane incident, there have been a few keen text messages going back and forth between me and Tammy. She took her daughter's Barbie and a dildo and created a nice diorama. I tried for a half hour to get a nice photo with my smiling face AND nekkid ass with my cell phone, but dammit my arms weren't long enough. I settled for a photo of my friend's ass. So when we got to school on Monday, one of our fellow students, the one who needed help identifying hemmorhoids, was feeling a bit left out. She asked me to go in the bathroom with her to take a picture of her ass to send to Tammy. (Nice that I'm the ass photographer now.) Then she wsa looking for a good tagline to send along with the photo. I suggested "smell my fingers," a clever allusion to an earlier aromatherapy joke. She agreed that was good, and asked me "How do you spell 'smell'?" This joke killed at the Starbucks drive-thru window at lunch (but later bombed on the phone with Mike D).

I think ol' girl's gonna have trouble passing the GED.

Air Mail

Today I threw a paper airplane at a girl in class that had the message "You Suck" written on it. Obviously, lack of sleep is somehow correlated to my maturity levels.

She's Crafty

Check this shit out! I made a pillow with my Sewing-Pretty-With-Hello-Kitty sewing machine. It's the first thing I've made that didn't look like a total disaster since about 8th grade sewing class. Note the tassels on the corners I beaded myself. And note the nekkid lady I embroidered on there too. That's right, I'm a total badass.

Floored

So we now have radio free anthro at work, some satellite radio bullshit we are required to listen to. And honestly, there were a few shining moments today in between all the KT Tunstall crap. But I was completely floored while I was beaming and singing along to "This Must Be The Place" when a stupid 18-year-old I work with said to me "Yeah, you would like this song." Not only did she stop me from beaming, but she also reminded me that I currently work in a mall with a bunch of punkasses who have summer jobs. And bad taste in music.