Monday, April 30, 2007

GENTRIFICATION! Get used to it.


There was major fun in Austin this weekend. Turkey legs at Eeyore's Birthday, and mucho props to Richard for the catch phrase of the year. We caught up with the Flowerses and met their lovely daughter, Storey. JJ and I had an intellectual discussion on the P-mate. Colin met Violet, and the matchmaking ball got rolling on whose kids would be dating whose kids when they got older. And just in case any of you were wondering.....yes, Mike D DID get funny.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

The Night of the Day that Wouldn't End

Yes, we had more tornado sirens this evening. I'm getting kinda tired of this business of going to the innermost room of the house and waiting. And tonight, as my mom and I grab flashlights and purses, the dog's leash and candles, what does my dad get? A glass of wine and some Cheetos. Further proof that he is a spy.

Can This Day Just End Please?

Yes, it is a real massage school I go to. It's just that a bunch of horny freaks are enrolled in my morning class. I'm beginning to get irritated by them, and I'm not the only one. I can't wait for Miss Kitty to rail off on them. Today was try two of massaging naked doods. During the upper leg sequence, my client, the sad sport who is the only male in the class and gets loads of attention from the strippers, mentioned that he was getting aroused. I told him to think about his grandmother, Jabba the Hut, and dead kittens, and see if that worked. Thank god his left thigh didn't make him as horny as the right one. In the afternoon we had another round of tornadoes hit our area, so we all got to crowd in one of the spa rooms while the sirens went off. This is the second time this year that tornadoes have struck within miles of where I've been, and in these bad-weather situations, I've realized that I hate being cooped up with all the worrywarts, so I tend to wander (like a dumbass). Today I tried to take a video of the torrential rain, flooding, thunder and lightning that was going on all around. I'll figure out how to post it someday. It's kinda boring due to the fact that I was just filming cars out on the highway. Until the end of the video, when a peal of thunder cracked down and a lightning bolt struck the building across the highway from me. Then I drop the camera, start giggling, and run back into the building.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Massage School Wierdos

Okay, I'm officially freaked out by one of my massage school classmates. After all the drama last week over a certain student's negative energy, I thought we had weeded out all the wierdos. Okay, all the MAJOR wierdos. Then, this one nail technician who never talks and is constantly on her cell phone started showing us all the videos she has saved on her phone. Subsequently, my day started at 9am with a video of a woman getting fucked up the ass with a baseball bat. Then a smiley face whistling the Andy Griffith Show theme song, but with a ballsac for a big brown nose and an asshole that did the whistling. I was afraid to look for the eyes. It's always the quietest people you least suspect...

Friday, April 13, 2007

God Bless You Mr. Vonnegut

I was so sad to hear that Kurt Vonnegut died this week. He pretty much invented the mindfuck for me; and I spent many a night just trying to get over what I was reading and what it meant to the world at large in discussions over coffee with Bob at the Pitt Grill. In honor of Mr. Vonnegut, I will be drawing a little asterisk on my hand Breakfast-of-Champions style.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Massage School Arithmetic

Stripper (or ex-stripper) count: 2
Girls with murdered boyfriends or fiances: 3
Former Wrestlers: 2
Girls who have discussed their clitoral piercings: 1
Reiki Masters: 1
People who have vomited in class: 1